Happiness Tool:
Kim Foster • April 20, 2020
How awareness during quarantine can be a gift to your post-quarantine self
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Fear, and Worry, and Frustration – oh my! It seems they are everywhere these days. Some days they feel just like a lingering fog around me and sometimes they threaten to overtake my whole day. Can you relate? What can we do? How do we get through our days when it can feel like fear has us in a headlock, worry feels like it will drown us, or frustrations totally distract us? How do we keep from feeling lost and helpless? I have an idea… Flip your focus: focus on what you CAN control instead of focusing on what you cannot control. Moment to moment, day by day, we can do that with practice. There is a lot that you CAN control – and focusing on that makes a big difference in your happiness, feelings of peace and the results you create. Here are some tips for flipping your focus: Use your fear and frustration as fuel for positive action Instead of stewing in those unpleasant feelings, what positive action steps can you take toward a goal, a change-making project, something fun? When you take action, you are making a difference, no matter how small! Taking action feels good (and feeling good is important!)! NOTICE what you are thinking about, how you’re feeling, what you’re consuming If your thoughts are negative, pessimistic, frustrated, or focused on what you cannot control – think “I’m going to flip my thoughts to be focused on what I want to create instead of what I don’t like” When you don’t like how you’re feeling, do something fun to shift your energy. Maybe go for a walk, call a friend, take a bath, read an uplifting book (note the Be Happy Now book club for October info below and join me!), watch a funny show. You have the power to shift your own energy. Watch your “inputs”: if negative news, social media, people are bringing you down, cut back! You will be amazed at how much better that can make you feel. Increasing positive inputs will raise your energy even more! Share positive energy with others – think about what you’d like to see more of in your life (love, hope, kindness, peace, support, creativity, fun, honesty, faith). YOU can bring more of that to the world by expressing it yourself. You are creating a ripple of energy in the world, in your community, and in your family every minute of every day. Make an impact (and help yourself to feel bettter) by radiating the kind of energy you want to see. What kind of ripple do you want to send out today? Being happy in these times might seem impossible, unimportant, insensitive, flippant, callous – but that is not true. The energy we put out into the world makes a difference. It makes a difference to the people you interact with online, the people you see at the grocery store, the people you might smile at as you drive or walk, and most definitely to your family. We can put much more positive energy out into the world (and feel it ourselves!) if we focus our attention on what we CAN control instead of focusing on what we can’t, and continue to bring the focus back to what we can control when it drifts (and it will!!). If you’d like some positive areas of focus, I have some fun things coming up. See below for more info on an IP workshop and the Be Happy Now book club! Wishing you shifts in focus that bring you happiness, Kim
You haven’t heard from me for a while because I was taking a “pause” after a stressful and busy year. I'm guessing many of you can relate to this scenario: the combination of many family extra obligations, work projects (planning 2 retreats, IP workshops, facilitating my awesome coaching group), home CEO projects and not enough rest or self-care had left me stressed and drained. I decided that I needed to take a little break. It has been surprisingly difficult for me to slow down and press pause! Isn't that strange?!? You would think that resting more would be easy - but it's not for me! I’ve been thinking a lot about why – why has it been hard for me to take care of myself and relax? Hmmmm… it’s become clear to me that one reason is that I’m a “productivity junkie” (crossing things off my list definitely gives me a thrill!). My parents have always pointed this out to me as they describe how I operate as “trying to fit 10 lbs. of sh*t in a 5 lb. bag”! It’s true… I have gone through life thinking “the more I accomplish, the better I am.” It’s been a hard belief to let go of, and I’m still working on it. I do want to slow down and have more balance in my life, but what I’m realizing is that I can’t get rid of planning and productivity completely. I tried that during my “pause” this Fall/Winter and it was not successful for me. I thought self-care and taking a break meant not planning and not being productive at all – but I just ended up feeling lost and purposeless, and didn’t actually take care of myself enough! My energy was lower and I didn't feel great. I've realized that what will help me, instead, is to focus on Planning & Prioritizing with Purpose . My learning: when we take the time to focus on what is truly important to us and what we truly want/need (awareness of what lights us up, what fills our hearts & brings purpose to our lives, things that add happiness & joy to our days, things that help us reach our most important goals) and we give those things a place and a priority in our days, calendar & life, our lives become exponentially better. This helps me live my life with intention – enjoying the kind of life I want to live every day, planning in time for self-care, relaxation, meditation AND cleaning, laundry, family, creating lessons for my coaching groups, writing, bills, research, etc… There can be more balance if I plan ahead, prioritize, and therefore am making choices that support what I want right now… which overall supports the kind of person I want to be and the kind of life I choose to live! I’ll share some of my tips below… I hope they help you increase the happiness in your life! With love, Kim
It is soooo natural to feel anxious and stressed right now. A feeling of uncertainty is not pleasant for anyone. But, we CAN make an impact on how we feel and the energy we put out into the world. We might have to make these choices over and over again – but that’s okay! Each time we make a choice to raise our energy and our emotions we feel a little bit better… Ways to raise your energy and feel a tiny bit better, even when things sort of suck! Listen to uplifting music – make a playlist that helps you feel good! Go outside (no contact – just fresh air!) – nature is therapeutic Focus on GRATITUDE . When you think about what there is to be grateful for, even now, you feel a tiny bit better Do something nice for someone else – send a loving text or funny message, donate money to a nonprofit to help those less fortunate than you, give a family member a backrub, call someone who needs support… B-R-E-A-T-H-E – take some full breaths with slow exhales… Read an uplifting book Express your creativity - draw, paint, color, cook, sing! Watch or read something funny – anything to make you laugh!! Move your body – do some yoga or exercise at home, go for a walk, do jumping jacks! Dance – turn on some music and have a home dance party! Add anything to this list that you know makes YOU feel good and smile ! You might not feel like it at times – but when you can, pull out this list (and add other things that are unique to you and help you feel GOOD…) and try something. Even if it makes you feel a little bit better for only a few minutes, that is great! Baby steps in raising your energy and improving how you feel will add up to feeling as good as possible... Sending you all lots of love and good energy, Kim
Hi Friends! Got worry and anxiety? Of course we do... I am currently alternating between thinking of things I can't control or change which gives me anxious feelings and an upset tummy and focusing on deep breaths that allow me to move to a better mood/attitude and let it all go for a minute or two... (then at least I feel better for a minute or two!). Worry is something that I actually love to talk about - because it is such a common thing for moms to do (even in "normal" times) and yet it does nothing to help us, and only increases our stress and makes us feel terrible. I call that worried state we are often in The Whirlpool of Worry . Your thoughts about what you don't want go in a constant loop over and over. I've heard worry described as "praying for what you don't want". Such a powerful concept - you are giving thought to something you DON'T want on repeat. Eek! Not helpful! We all know that our "mom" emotional state is something that our entire family picks up on - if we can remain calmer, more positive, and focus on things we CAN control, everyone will pick up on that energy. In our current situation, it's absolutely understandable that we find ourselves worried and anxious. What can we do? I'll give some of my favorite ideas below. Hopefully we can all give these things a try here and there in our day... it might give you some relief or it might not, but at least you're trying! How to step out of the Whirlpool of Worry Write your worries about things you cannot control down on a piece of paper - then shred it, burn it or crumple it up and throw it away! Move your body - go for a walk, stretch, put on some music and dance. Movement is a powerful way to step out of the whirlpool. BREATHE - try "square breathing": breathe in for a count of 4, hold breath for a count of 4, breathe out for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4. Repeat a few times... Help someone else - send a loving message, a supportive text to a friend/family member, donate money to a cause helping those more impacted than yourself... Change the channel in your brain - try to think about something else, even if just for a minute. Hug/pet your pet! Focus on Gratitude - what is there to be grateful for, even in the midst of all this uncertainty? Time together as a family Daffodils in bloom Enough food to eat A hug from your child Time for a nap Start a gratitude journal - write down at least 5 things you are grateful for every day! Hoping there is something useful here for you - and sending you lots of love, Kim